


hiraeth

by rockpapercompass



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, dancer yves, pianist chuu, they met by fate, yves didnt believe in love or soulmate kind of, yves is secretly a hopeless romantic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-27 00:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18293114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockpapercompass/pseuds/rockpapercompass
Summary: sooyoung keep hearing songs in her head, sung by someone unfamiliar.years later, they meet at a market.(or, chuuves soulmate au where you're telepathically connected with your soulmate, though they can only hear you during a specific moment)





	hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to another segment of 'i wrote this at four am and now it's six am, so please enjoy my scribbles,'
> 
> title is from the album [hiraeth by idealism.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXWz3DWNod0) it's a welsh's concept of longing for home, according to google. 
> 
> in a way, sooyoung did yearn for one.
> 
> i hope you'll like this story.

_Love._

Sooyoung wanted to believe in love.

There was a point in her life where she thought about the existence of it, even indulge herself in it – but alas, the experience was unpleasing.

When she was ten, she had a crush on her next-door neighbour. His name was Changkyun. He was a year older than her but not much taller. He was a little bit quiet and tends to wore dark clothes but Sooyoung still thought he was cool. That crush grew deeper when a year later, his voice became a little deeper and he took interest in rapping. The skater boy that she became infatuated with didn’t last long though, she let time took over her feelings and washed it all away. It didn’t bother her.

When she was fifteen, she dated a really nice guy from her class. Sooyoung never actually took an interest in Mingyu though his artwork always stuns her. It’s always way too beautiful for her to comprehend, how a fifteen year old could produce such a masterpiece. She was a fan at first, an admirer, but she slowly fell for him.

Literally, during their dance class where Mingyu may or may not purposely stretched his legs so Sooyoung would trip. He annoyingly teased her but helped her to get up anyway. From there, they begin to hang out. One coffee turned into dozens. And days suddenly turned into months. Sooyoung were skeptical at first but their zodiac says they we’re a match – not that Sooyoung believed in that kind of nonsense, but Mingyu somehow had charmed her and made her believed that somehow the stars and moon played a part in their compatibility card. So, they dated for a while, despite slowly, everyone around her started getting a connection with their soulmate.

Sooyoung hoped in her heart that this silly boy who loves art and hip-hop music and spicy food would be hers. That even if her parents were constantly fighting every day - love maybe does exist. That love is beautiful and it doesn’t hurt. Even when Mingyu and Sooyoung have a disagreement they never yelled at each other, Mingyu never threw his hands at her and Sooyoung never wanted to hurt him in any way. Sure, they would go silent for few hours or days, but they would comeback and kiss and pretend that nothing was wrong.

Not until, of course, Mingyu drifted away from her.

Slowly, but surely.

And when Sooyoung tried to ask him, he always shrugged, saying that he had a headache or a stomach-ache or was just simply not in the mood to hang out. Like he constantly having a terrible day and Sooyoung couldn’t do anything to cheer him up. Overtime it seems like Sooyoung _was_ the cause of his sour mood. She should’ve talked it out with him, he should’ve spoke to her; but they were only fifteen – so they did like what a normal fifteen years old would do: avoid the problem, push it all away, pretend that nothing was wrong.

Fight.

The other person was the issue, it’s never themselves.

Sooyoung were getting tired of it and by the look of it Mingyu was too. But they were too stubborn to admit it and push through with their dying romance. And maybe something happened, maybe Sooyoung did something or maybe Mingyu was finally out of that _moody teenage boy_ phase because one day, he came to her house with a rose and a ticket to watch a movie. They resume their relationship like nothing bad ever happened; Mingyu was back to his old normal self and Sooyoung couldn’t be happier. She always felt right in his arm and his lips were always nice against hers.

Sooyoung felt like nothing could end it.

Not until she found her boyfriend of almost twelve months making out with a senior in the bathroom stall. He heard him saying little _I love you’s_ in-between their kisses, pulling him closer by the hips – didn’t even notice Sooyoung where there until the other boy turned his head and opened his eyes. He automatically pushed him away and he heard her boyfriend whines, and god – she could hear her heart shattering into pieces. Her tears were already escaping from her eyes and her voice caught by her throat. She wanted to scream – yell, or simply say something to hurt him back but she couldn’t. What worse was Sooyoung expected him to chase after her, to be down on his knee and begged her to take him back that he was sorry and it was a mistake. But he didn’t. He avoided her like a plague and only bit his nails, fumbling with the hem of his shirt whenever Sooyoung was around. His gaze was everywhere but at Sooyoung’s. Being in the same class as your ex-boyfriend was hard, but it’s even harder when you don’t even get a proper break-up. And maybe Sooyoung knew, deep down, that they had an expiration date - it was blatantly obvious by the amount of fights that they've been having lately and even when Mingyu were cheerful - his head were always seemed like it was somewhere else. Suddenly everything made a little more sense to her. 

Weeks later, the senior, who introduce himself as Wonwoo sat next to her at the school's empty parking lot, right after Sooyoung was out from her detention and waiting for her mum to pick her up.

“We’re soulmate.”

Was the first thing that came out of his mouth after, followed by a lengthy apology that she had wished would come out from Mingyu himself. But Wonwoo said something about Mingyu feeling way too embarrassed and guilty to be around her and that he regretted ever hurting her.

At that point she only scoffed and said nothing.

Soulmate or not, Mingyu broke her heart. He could’ve dumped her first and start grinding himself against Wonwoo for all she cared, but no – he chooses the worst possible way to tell her that they were never meant to be for each other.

Which was bullshit because soulmate does not exist.

She watched everyone in her family drugged by love – and all it ever did was made them all miserable. From a healthy individual into an alcoholic or a gambler or suicidal or an abusive piece of shit. Nothing good ever come from love; so why would something – like a soulmate, ever exist in the first place? It’s a curse, perhaps. To be bound to someone for eternity; for someone (or something) to write her fate into an invincible card and threw it back at her without a warning whatsoever.

In fiction, soulmates would come as a tattoo, a time stamp, or something as dramatic as seeing colours.

In real life, there’s no indication for it.

So how would anyone know that _that specific person,_ is hers?

 

Sooyoung doesn’t believe in soulmate.

Not even when she almost turned seventeen.

When she heard noises inside her head. It was subtle at first, barely noticeable. Sometimes it sounded like a static noise from a radio with a really bad signal. She ignored it at first, thinking it was some kind of random thought passing by; but overtime the voices became clearer. There was a melody to it, soft piano overlying the voice that she still couldn’t quiet comprehend. The voices begin to come more often than she’d like; and with each passing day, it became stronger – though it was never fully clear. Overtime she grew accustomed to it, she even starts looking for classical and cinematic music more often. The soft soothing melody in her head always helped her to calm down – it plays before she sleeps, after she woken up and sometimes even before her dance performance or an exam. She thought about it before, how maybe it was her soulmate playing it to her – but she always dismisses it quickly. Though at eighteen, when a junior named Suji talked to her about her soulmate (to much to her disappointment – she would never admit it out loud that she may or may not have developed a crush towards the younger girl, but have since supressed it) and how she always _feels_ like they were connected somehow.

Everyone felt it differently, but for her, it was a constant train of thoughts that she could never catch. She found out that Sojung (or ‘exy’) was her soulmate during some underground rap battle and somehow the voices inside her head became clear. She wasn’t even sure if they were truly a soulmate, and hence, was whining about it to Sooyoung. Being apathetic towards it, but still felt respectful towards her, she told the younger girl to go back there and try to ask for her number.

So, she begins to wonder.

Maybe the voices was her soulmate's way to reach her. 

And for a brief second, she wondered how would she's presented in her soulmate’s head.

 

_**XX** _

 

She anticipated that little melody, excited when it plays and sadden by the end of it. Maybe she grew warmer a bit towards the idea of a soulmate, maybe she just admires the girl who play the piano every day. Sooyoung have always loved art in any form, including music and the mysterious girl doesn’t just cover songs, she does few originals too. Sometimes she could make up some of the lyrics, sometimes it came out as a mumble; but she always wondered who the song was for. How does the girl in her head looks like when she laughs? Or simply talks about sonnet xvii? Or how her fingers would dance around the key when she plays pierre boulez’ le Marteau sans maitre. In all honesty, Sooyoung would want to explore Korea just to take a glimpse of her soulmate. But her financial status said otherwise and her head was still stubborn and skeptical enough to keep her tied to the ground. So, by the end of her schooling life, she chose to follow her original path in becoming a professional dancer – or maybe even an idol – and moved to the capital city of Korea. It was hard at first, between her part time jobs and constant audition; she felt like giving up. Not to mention the voices in her head had been silent for over a month or so. There’s no more happy song that automatically plays in her head or any soft melodies that plays at night. For the first time in her life, she wishes that her head wasn’t constantly silent.

She felt lonelier than ever.

And then one year had passed.  

Sooyoung would be nineteen.

Everything in her world was still dead-silent. A constant static in her head. A wallet that always struggled to be filled.

Though her suffering slowly ends, call-backs from multiple academy started to pour in, she didn’t have to do any part-time job at the bakery or the restaurant or the mini-market. She would just focus on her dance and dancing career from that point onward. And the song started to play again. Everything felt right again.

Though something had definitely changed.

The song became louder.

Their distance must’ve grown shorter.

And it’s always played a little too rough for her liking and ended abruptly. Maybe her soulmate was having some changes in her life that she didn’t like or maybe she was just very frustrated with the progress of her song. The range became lesser by the day and at the end of spring, just a little before her birthday, she only played one song. By the end of summer, she could hear it clearly. And dear god, dear lord; her voice was beautiful. The words that escaped from her mouth sounds very sincere, it melts her cold dead heart a little and she found herself singing along with her,

 

_Words from deep within_

_Though I have to be careful_

_One step,_

_Take courage….._

 

And she would jolt in panic every time the song ended with multiple keys pressed together – making a rough uncomfortable sound. Sooyoung likes to think that her soulmate was frustrated with the song, but deep down, she knew that it wasn’t the case. There was something else. Something she couldn’t pin point and she was honestly scared. She thought about her soulmate more often then she liked. Her soulmate’s voice sounded weak by the beginning of autumn, she hears more sobbing now (though it was barely audible) and overtime the song became less frequent.

It was starting to affect her performance in dancing.

She became a mess (and for what? An anonymous voice in her head?) and promised herself to pick herself up and start practicing harder. She would be awake really early and come home really late. Often skipping weekends hangout or rest and replacing it with more practice. By the end of autumn, she was ready to jump off of a bridge and just float around han river – letting the current to take her away and froze her to death in the winter.

But fate, funny how it’s always fate that would take her route differently.

Sooyoung were beyond exhausted.

It was Sunday and she was the only one that was in the studio. Honestly, she should just move there and camp out, she’s constantly around that building anyway – she could cut down her expenses by a lot if she squatted in her dancing studio. But her body betrayed her and she already felt like collapsing. Already skipping lunch for another take of her routine, she decided to call it a day by four pm. Munching some cheap croissant and coffee on her way home, her eyes felt heavier on the bus. She looked outside of the bus’ window and wonder if her life would ever get better from there. She hasn’t contacted any of her family members ever since she moved to Seoul (not that any of them would care anyway), she had been neglecting her friendship, she’s financially struggling and she felt like her dancing career would never take off. Traffic were never good on Sunday and her commute would take another hour, she was about to shut her eyes but then – she saw a red head munching some street food by the sidewalk. She thought the girl was cute and felt drawn towards her. The stopped light changed from red to green, and that’s when they locked their eyes. And then, she swore, she felt a spark in her heart. Maybe she even heard a whisper, ‘ _it’s you’,_ maybe she didn’t, and suddenly she wasn’t tired anymore. She stopped the bus and got off at the nearest station and ran few blocks – back to the place where she saw the girl. She didn’t know why but her body just moved on an instant and her head keep telling her to go find her and talk to her. Her heart wasn’t any better, she couldn’t understand why or what she was feeling but there’s a sense of closeness – like they were supposed to be around each other.

 

_Could she possibly be my soulmate?_

And Sooyoung really _really_ wanted to suppress the thought – and fight back, telling herself that love doesn’t exist that soulmate was just another shenanigans that were invented by the capitalism to bump up sales for chocolates and flowers and crappy romantic movies and songs. But she was running toward that mysterious girl anyway, puffy cheeks and red hair; a face that she couldn’t easily dismiss from her head.

She stopped at the intersection, heart racing and she was already heaving. She felt like she would vomit soon but it’s amazing how determined she was, because even though her legs felt like it would fallen off of her easily (god, it felt like she had a pair of jelly for a leg), she still crossed the road, move towards the crowd and look for _that_ face. Her body begin to drift, like it was on autopilot – the same way it does when she pressed the stop button at that bus and start running few blocks, exactly the opposite of the direction of her home. And in some corridor of Seoul’s most busy market, she found the girl….. hiding?

_Huh?_

Sooyoung couldn’t stop herself from ginning, somehow she was amused by the girl’s action. Her eyes glued down to her shoes – but she was still munching…. Slowly…..

“Uhm, hi?” Sooyoung stuttered – god why was she suddenly nervous? The girl was still avoiding Sooyoung’s eyes but she replied her with a simple _hey,_ and there was no doubt in her heart that this girl was the same girl that had been serenading her for the past two and a half years.

“Are you…. Are you hiding from me?”

“Maybe”

“Why?”

“I… I don’t know? I just felt like you would run and come find me and I…. I don’t know…. I had a feeling that you were upset at me or something,”

Bewildered by her reply, Sooyoung just softly chuckled, “why would I be mad at you? We never met”

“I know,” she softly whispered to herself, “I just felt uneasy, I don’t know why,”

“I’m sorry,” she automatically felt bad for the girl – what kind of vibe had she been giving this girl? Was she _that_ bad? She thought about it for a while, all the possibility that could have impacted her. Maybe she was connected by her through her negative emotion and lately she did felt the world was about to fall apart. None of them said anything for awhile – and it was kinda weird how comfortable Sooyoung felt. So, she thought, it wouldn’t be too bad of an idea to get to know the girl. After all, it was getting a little bit lonely. She also mentally noted to herself that she should patch up her relationship with her friends too; and she hoped that karma won’t bite her in the back if she asked this girl out, “let me make it up to you? Strawberry cake on me?” she smiled and for the first time the girl lifted her eyes and oh my god, her eyes – her deep brown eyes were beautiful. Sooyoung never really paid attention to people’s eyes before – she always thought it was dull and boring – always the same colour. But the girl in front of her? It was different. It somehow melts into golden rays, circling an eclipse, something she would never get tired of seeing. It’s no longer boring or just ‘brown’. There were spark in her eyes at the mention of strawberry cake, her heart, simultaneously did a little flip. She tried to not let it affect her in any way but her face grew warmer. She managed to say her name without embarrassing her and the girl replied with a simple,

“Kim Jiwoo,” she said, “and my number is….”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you'll stick around for the second and final chapter, 
> 
> peace out.


End file.
